Hey husbands! Yes, we’re talking to you. Put down your phone and video game controller and golf club and the remote and listen. You know it doesn’t actually take too much to get on the “good husband” list, right? Like, if you see your exhausted wife washing dishes at 10 p.m., covered in baby spit-up, leaking milk through the shirt she’s been wearing for three days, how about gently taking her hand, offering to wash the damn dishes, and suggesting she go lie on the couch and watch Bravo? Or tell her you’ll take care of things if she wants to shower? Or just give her a hug and say, “You’re amazing”??
Why is this shit hard for so many husbands?
At the end of the day, more than likely, your wife wants to be seen. She wants to be validated. She might feel invisible and unappreciated as she does everything for everyone else all fucking day. As she washes and wipes and feeds and washes and wipes and feeds… or maybe she’s at work all day and feels like she wants to bang her head against the wall when she walks in at 5:00 and sees an overflowing kitchen garbage can and poop floaters in the toilet.
Guys, do you know the power of the words “What do you need?” Do you know how sexy it is when we see you being a loving dad to the kids? When you grab a new diaper and change the baby or sit down and help the 4th grader with math homework without being asked? Or without expecting a big thank you parade after because you know that we do that shit all the fucking time and there’s no parade for us?
So, if you’re an awesome husband rocking this partnership thing, keep it up. We see you. But if you’re not, and you need a little push, check out these confessions from women raving about their awesome spouses. Take some notes. Your wife might post a confession about you someday—is it going to be “My husband is the best!” or “My husband sucks at life and my favorite moments of the day are when he’s not here and I don’t have to look at his sorry ass.” Your choice!
“The longer we’re together, the sexier my husband becomes!”
“DH cleaned the house today. By himself. Didn’t even ask me to help. It was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I find it incredibly sexy when my Dh helps kids with homework and feel so sorry for all these people who need an affair to excite them in the bedroom. Guess not everyone can marry their soulmate and get dead sexy all in one”
Things that are sexy: Helping with the kids, helping around the house, not being a dick.
“I was pretty promiscuous when I was younger. Been married 16 years now and pretty sure at least 50% of my marriage is based on the fact that my husband is the best f*ck I have ever had. Like screaming in the pillow so the kids don’t hear. Lol…”
“After 13 years we’re still hopelessly in love, and have an amazing sex life. My husband is kind, generous, thoughtful and sex keeps getting better and better. Not much of a confession, but apparently extremely rare.”
“If there has to be one good thing about quarantine, it’s the rebirth of our sex life. Who knew my 40 something yr old husband was so adventurous?! Pretty sure it saved our marriage.”
“I call my DH Daddy and get off on him using me as a sex toy. I love it when he brings me close to orgasm then doesn’t allow me to cum for 2 days. He treats me like a Queen during the every day and is the best Dad to our 2 DC.”
When you’re a good husband, you’re more likely to have good, hot sex with your wife. Everybody wins!
“My DH stays home with our children. Yesterday at a bbq the other husbands were mocking him saying I’m a better provider. He laughed for a bit but finally said-I can guarantee she is a better provider than you guys too at $600k base salary. The looks!”
“I’m a sahm with three kids 6 and under. I’m so grateful to be home with them. Helps that husband helps out, is kind, and I control the money in the house despite not working. Sahm can be great, just need the right partner.”
“I have a great dh who helps out around the house A LOT and I get to be a sahm. I love rubbing it in to other snobby moms who think they are better bc their husbands make more money. My husband helps me raise our kids!”
“I love DH having a few days off. It reminds him what an exhausting, monotonous sh*tshow our kids are & how much I do. He returns to work telling me to have time to myself while kids are at school & will never say I have it easy as an SAHM.”
A good husband supports his wife and recognizes the value of teamwork. That might mean he takes care of the kids while she works. Or he vacuums while she cooks dinner. Or he folds laundry while she gives the kids a bath. (Or, better yet, since she was up all damn night, he folds laundry while she NAPS.)
“Thank you to my dear husband for making my Christmas beautiful and special. After all I do for everyone, especially this time of year, he always makes me feel incredibly loved and appreciated. Love you, babe. Merry Christmas!”
“My DH helps me to feel normal when my mom is making me crazy. He validates me for who I am not what she thinks I should be. It feels like no matter what I do I will never be good enough because I am not her. DH rocks!”
“It makes me gushy when my husband helps out with dishes or laundry, etc. I feel like he sees how stressed I am and loves me enough to help out. It feels really nice.”
Also, if you want to be on the good list, make us feel special. Don’t tell us we’re nuts. Don’t tell us we’re over-reacting. Don’t take your mother’s side over ours. Just be a friend and bring us a pumpkin spice latte on the first day of fall if that’s what makes us happy.
“My DH helps me sell my panties online (takes pics, films, gives me time away to prepare them etc.). We don’t need the money, but it’s a little extra spending cash for me and has totally boosted my confidence…. Good man :)”
“Noone would ever believe it but while my kids are away I work as a prostitute and my husband helps organize it with me he absolutely loves it and the money is amazing!!
No shame we both get what we want out of the exchange.”
And we need you to support us on whatever “endeavors” we embark upon.
“My DH cleaned the house BY HIMSELF while I was at work today, without me even asking him! I feel like I’m in an alternate reality. A reality where I don’t mind giving him blowjobs ;-)”
“DH cleans the toilet without ever being asked and for this alone I would never leave him!”
“I’m so glad my husband helps with the dishes, washing, folding, bedtime stories, bathtime etc – shame on you other husbands who think you can now leave it all up to your ‘wife’ … geez stoneages…”
Help out without being asked. This is a big one. Like actually see that there’s a pile of dirty laundry on the floor, physically bend over, and pick it up. (Especially if you want us to bend over later, mkay?)
“I think I fell in love with DH even more last night. Me & our baby were asleep & he was on the phone with his buddy who asked about her, I overheard DH say, “She’s great. A lot of ppl say ‘don’t do it’ but it’s the opposite for me, dude. Best thing ever.””
“Felt like a total mom failure today….didn’t feel good this am, so DH cleaned the entire house, made us all meals today, did laundry and basically totally potty trained our DS3 (which I have been trying to do for 2 months!)”
“My bf is so amazing… He loves me and my 2 dc (not his) (one is autistic). Hes the best dad to them. He’s the kind of dad that dresses up as a super hero to scare off things that scare aspd dc(5).. I found this amazing man on a naughty chat site… Lol”
“DH never was involved in the upbringing of DSD and DSS due to his crazy ex. Now, he’s a SAHD to our DD 6wo and he is loving it. I’m smug as hell because he’s a damn good father and now he’s mine.”
But most of all, be a good dad. That’s the best way to get your wife to gush about you to the world. Do the work, pitch in, take the baby, wipe their ass, feed them a bottle, take the kids fishing, read books with them at bedtime, have a tea party, let your wife sleep. Do all of it. And let us see how much you love doing all of it.
That’s how you do the good husband thing, guys.
And then you might find out that your wife confessed something like this for all the world to see.
“My husband is my hero.”